


These Stolen Moments (Solas Edition)

by InArlathan



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Internal Conflict, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 10:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21354847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InArlathan/pseuds/InArlathan
Summary: A retelling from my last Solavellan story, but from Solas’s point of view. Totally wrote this for the extra bit at the end where he and Varric have a little heart-to-heart: *One night at Skyhold, Lavellan finds herself unable to rest. Trying to find peace in the Inquisition library, Solas seeks her out to offer some comfort.*
Relationships: Female Inquisitor & Solas, Fen'Harel | Solas/Female Lavellan, Fen'Harel/Female Lavellan
Kudos: 17





	These Stolen Moments (Solas Edition)

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I did it. I wrote the same story all over again. I simply couldn’t refuse. It’s always such a delight to write from Solas’s perspective and I really wanted to explore his conflicted feelings for Lavellan in this one.
> 
> I used my [Elenara](https://in-arlathan.tumblr.com/post/188650046431/elenara-lavellan) for both versions of this story. I hope you enjoy reading this.

He knew it was her even before he saw her walking down the hall.

It was her steps that gave her away. They were careful and almost silent against the soft hiss of the wind that flooded into the hall. 

Even after all this time, she still moved like a hunter. 

Solas turned his gaze from the stars in the night sky and toward Skyhold’s main hall. From the balcony on the upper floor, he watched Elenara as she made her way to the corridor leading to the castle’s rotunda. She carried a variety of books with her, an expression of worry on her face. 

He waited until she had vanished through the door and listened as she climbed the steps to the upper floor. For a while, he heard her shuffling before he decided to see what kept her up at night.

When he entered the library, she stood by the small nook that was usually occupied by Dorian Pavus during his stays at Skyhold. She had lit one of the candelabras for better lighting and was busy putting the books back on the shelves. Her brows were furrowed and her eyes darker than he had ever seen them before.

“I see you are still awake,” Solas pointed out.

She whirled around on instinct, her entire body tense like a bowstring. It took her a moment to recognize him.

“Solas!”, she exclaimed and let out a sigh of relief. “Good Creators, you startled me!”

He chuckled softly as he stepped into the circle of soft candlelight. “I’m sorry, _vhenan_,” he said wringing his hands. “I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s alright,” she told him with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Where did you come from? I thought you’d already gone to bed.”

“I was out on the balcony for some fresh air,” he said gesturing towards the door through which he’d entered the library. “Then I heard footsteps and concluded that it was you, so I came to see if you’re alright.”

“You knew that it was me … _by my footsteps_?”

“Of course.” He said. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s just… something a hunter might do, not a mage,” she explained.

“You should never underestimate my tracking skills, _vhenan_.” A sly smile tugged at his lips. “I survived on my own in the wilderness for a good long while, after all.”

She blinked at him and for a moment it seemed like she wanted to investigate what he truly meant by that, but then she settled for the more obvious question.

“Why are you still awake?” she asked.

“There was something wrong with the tea”, he replied and pressed his lips together for an instant. Even the memory of that sour-tasting drink made his stomach churn. “It was caffeinated and kept me awake long after dark. Well, _keeps me awake_”, he clarified. “I am still waiting for the effect to wear off.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said and gave him a warm and comforting smile. Of all the people in the Inquisition, she had been the only one not to mock him for his wish to wander within the Fade as much as possible. She understood what it meant to him even though she was not a Dreamer herself, or even a mage for that matter. It was a rare quality that made her companionship even more valuable to him.

“What about you?” he asked.

She weighed the book in her hand, then put it back on the shelf. “Couldn’t sleep either,” she said wearily. “There is just… so _much_ to think about…”

Solas took another step towards her, drawn to her as if by magic. Before even he himself knew what he was doing, he reached around her with his left hand and placed it on her lower back.

“If you like to share your thoughts with me, I’d be happy to listen,” he said in a quiet voice.

Startled by his touch, Elenara straightened her shoulders. He couldn’t blame her. The last time they’d been this close, he had kissed her passionately, only to run from her shortly afterward. He still felt sorry for having done that to her. She had been nothing but forthcoming, never forcing him to do something he didn’t want, but he had been frightened by the power she possessed over him. He still was, most of the time. Yet, he found himself unable to stay away from her.

She cleared her throat and looked away to avoid his gaze. “I’ve been reading all lot of these books lately,” she said and nodded to the tomes on the shelves around them. “I had hoped to find some answers in the old text but all it did was made me think. How can anyone do justice in this world? How can you set everything right, seeing all the bad things happening to good people? How am I supposed to do all this?”

The pain in her voice was almost too much to bear. Solas knew that this burden should have never been hers. He alone had chosen to walk the _Din’anshiral_. But now she walked the path he had laid out for himself and he had no one but himself to blame for her anguish.

_It was never supposed to happen this way_, he thought bitterly.

“I don’t know if I can provide a satisfying answer to your questions,” he said, trying to keep a straight face. “I’m not sure that anyone can. All we can do is trust in your capabilities to lead this Inquisition, for better or worse.”

Her lips twisted into a sad smile. “I was afraid you might say that.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be,” she replied. “It’s not like any of this is your fault.”

Unwillingly, his hand on her back twitched ever so slightly.

_If you only knew, vhenan._

“Is there something on _your_ mind?”, she asked with an encouraging smile. “You seemed to be on edge these last couple of weeks.”

“It was nothing to concern yourself with,” he said evasively and his gaze flicked to her lips. “My troubles will pass, one way or another.”

“Is there anything I can do to lift your spirits?” she asked teasingly.

“A kiss would be a good way to start,” he answered.

_Wait…_

Did he really just say that?

Elenara raised her eyebrows. Apparently, she was as stunned by his answer as he was, but the feeling didn’t last and the baffled expression on her face shifted to something close to excitement.

“Come here, then,” she whispered and turned to face him directly.

Solas let his hand slip from her back to her waist and brought up the other one to hold her tightly.

She cupped his face with one hand with her thumb resting on his lips.

“My heart,” she breathed.

He allowed Elenara to guide his face towards hers, brushing her lips faintly against his.

Her kisses were soft and gentle, full of adoration and restrained desire. In a way, they were the perfect reflection of his own feelings. With her, the troubles of his past faded into the far-flung corners of his mind and he could pretend that he was a different man. A man whose only wish in life was to give love and to revel in the undying affection he received in return.

He couldn’t recall a time when he had felt like this before.

Back in the days of Arlathan, he’d had a string of lovers, indulging in his own desires like the rest of his kind without ever feeling a true sense of connection or commitment. Love-making had been a pleasant pass-time for him, nothing more. But here, with her, everything was different. Instead of lust, he felt a deep longing for more, a craving of the soul that he’d never experienced before. When she touched him, her warmth sunk deep into his skin and filled his body with peace and excitement at the same time. Being apart from her left him restless, sleepless. Even in the Fade, he dreamt of her walking by his side, _holding him tight._

It was a cruel trick of the universe to let him fall for her, of all people.

Upon their first encounter, Solas had felt enraged by her very existence. Knowing she carried the anchor that was ultimately his had fueled his hatred for this world. But when he had taken her hand and helped her guide the energy of the anchor to seal the rifts, something had changed within him. Suddenly, he had seen more in her than another of his many mistakes. Her vigilance had made her see the woman, the person, she truly was. 

Now the thought of not being with her caused him physical pain. When he kissed her, he feared he might burn from the inside out with the overwhelming might of feelings he had for her. To keep them contained was the hardest thing he had to do in all his life. In all of eternity.

Elenara shifted in his arms, her hands resting gently on his chest. He could hear her muffled moans as she kissed him, begging him to go further. And he wanted to, wanted it so badly. Yet, he held back, afraid to give in.

When they finally parted, she rested her forehead against his, her breath tickling his skin.

“I enjoy kissing you far too much,” he said.

“You make it sound like a bad thing,” she replied, eyebrows raised.

He felt his cheeks color. “Oh, no, that’s not what I meant,” he hurried to say. “It’s just... I’m not …”

“… used to it,” she said, finishing the sentence for him. “I know. We should do this more often, then.” She brushed her lips against his once more. It was not a kiss, not quite, but it set his body on fire nonetheless. “Besides, I enjoy kissing you, too.”

With that, she pulled him closer and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. His body tensed, but when she opened her mouth and deepened the kiss, he couldn’t hold up any longer. Accepting the invitation, his lips parted and his tongue entered her mouth. A taste like wild berries and honey flooded his senses, as she returned the kiss with the same passion.

For a short while, he felt nothing but the delicate movements of her tongue, the warmth of her body beneath his fingers. Whoever he had been done before, whatever he had done, none of it mattered anymore. He was Solas, simple as that, and for once, he allowed himself to truly live in the moment. 

He pulled back the tiniest bit, his heart thundering in his chest.

“I want you,” he whispered.

“I want you, too,” she said and kissed one corner of his mouth. He sighed softly, his eyes half-closed.

She forced herself to look at him. “Come with me,” she said, taking his hand and nodding in the vague direction of the Inquisitor’s tower.

He understood immediately. She wanted to go somewhere private, where they could continue what they started here. For a moment, images of her undressing herself flashed through his mind. He wanted to touch her naked body, to give her pleasure. But then again…

“I don’t think…”, was all he could manage before he was cut off.

“Lady Inquisitor!”

She flinched, alarmed by the sound of Leliana’s voice, and drew back a tiny bit. In that instant, he knew it was his only chance to retreat. If he didn’t, he knew he would give into his desire. He would follow her up to her quarters, ready to rip the clothes from her body and cover every part of her with gentle kisses. But he could not do that. She deserved better a man whom she could trust with all her heart.

He was not that man.

And so Solas forced himself to step back.

“Don’t…” she gasped, but he shook his head.

“You have other matters to attend to, my heart.”

The look she gave him hurt him more than he would have like to admit. Disappointment, hurt and confusion mixed in her expression and he had to steel himself against her sadness.

_If you only knew, vhenan._

“Goodnight, Inquisitor,” Solas said as casually as possible and took another step back. He bowed slightly just when Leliana reached the top of the stairs, then turned on his heels and headed in the opposite direction.

All the way back to his quarters in the tower, his heart raced like he’d just ran a dozen miles. In his mind, he conjured wild fantasies of her lying in his arms, her legs tangled with his, her skin hot and sweaty from love-making. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear the door to Varric’s room open right behind him.

“Ah, Chuckles,” the dwarf exclaimed. “I’d hoped to catch you alone. Do you have a moment?”

Solas stopped dead in his tracks. Slowly, he turned around to face Varric, hoping his face didn’t give what he felt in that precise moment.

“How may I help you, Master Tethras?” he asked and tried to sound as light-hearted as possible.

Varric coughed, then glanced over his shoulders, as if he feared that someone might overhear their conversation. Only when he was certain no one was about to burst out of their chambers, his gaze returned to Solas.

“It’s about Lavellan,” Varric said in a quiet voice.

Solas furrowed his brows. “What about her?”

“I know the two of you have been pretty _hush-hush_ about the matter,” Varric continued, “but I have witnessed _and _written enough romances to recognize a couple in love.”

“Oh?” Solas mused in an ill-considered attempt to mock Varric, hoping it would put him off. “How so?”

The dwarf let out a small huffing sound and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “The yearning side-glances usually give it away.”

“Aha,” Solas said briskly. “Well, in any event, it is a private matter and I would rather not discuss it.”

“Yeah, I figured you say something like that.”

“But you’re going to tell me whatever is on your mind regardless of what I just said, aren’t you?”

Solas knew he was being harsh and a small part of him was sorry for that. Varric had never offended him. As a matter of fact, the dwarf’s advice had proved rather useful on more than one occasion and had helped Solas to see things from a different perspective. Yet, he didn’t want Varric to look into the matter. Things between Solas and Lavellan were complicated enough as they were.

“Lavellan is… well, people believe she is this heavenly creature, send by the Maker to set things right, _blah blah blah_. But you and I, we know that is not true. She is a woman, a _person_, just like the rest of us, and a good person at that,” Varric said. “She deserves some happiness.”

“She does,” Solas admitted. “But that is not why you wanted to talk to me in the middle of the night.”

Varric squared his shoulders, trying to look casual. “I just wanted to make sure you won’t hurt her, Chuckles.”

Unwillingly, Solas felt a muscle in his jaw twitch. Did the dwarf suspect something? No, he’d been careful when it came to the stories he told about his past. He’d spun his tale from truth as well as deception, and to good effect. The best lie was the one that included a grain of truth, after all. Still, he felt the need to dispel Varric’s doubts. He couldn’t have anyone sniffing around while Corypheus was still out there, wielding the orb that he, Solas, had given to him.

“It was never my intention to hurt her,” he said.

That was true as far as it went.

“I see,” Varric replied. “So, we’re good then.”

“Weren’t we, Child of the Stone?”

“Let’s just say, I would feel compelled to come and kill you if did something to her”, Varric replied. “I’ve become quite fond of her.”

Solas chuckled, despite himself. 

“Don’t laugh”, Varric said in an attempt to sound intimidating, but the smile on his voice betrayed him. “I have a network of spies at my disposal. They’d track you down in no time.”

“I have no doubts about that, Master Tethras,” Solas replied. “But as I said, it was never my intent to cause her pain.”

“That’s… _good_,” Varric said. “Well, I guess that is that. We can all go back to sleep now. No hard feelings.”

“No hard feelings,” Solas echoed.

“Yeah, right,” Varric mumbled. “Goodnight, Chuckles.”

“Same to you, Master Tethras.”

And with that, Varric returned to his chambers, locking the door behind him.

Solas felt a pang of guilt settling in his guts. Despite everything he told Varric, his intentions were worth nothing. He’d _intended_ to protect Mythal and failed. He’d _intended_ to protect his people from the wrath of the Evanuris and failed. He’d _intended_ to free the elves slavery when he formed the Veil and failed yet again.

With Elenara, it wouldn’t be any different. No matter how much he wanted to make her happy, one day he would have to reveal himself to her.

And when he did, it would cause her pain beyond imagining.


End file.
